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DAN SYLVESTER
SYLVESTER THE JESTER
As the only son of the famous husband and wife, tag-team wrestlers, “Martha the Mauler” and “Professor Pain”, the young Dan Sylvester learned to take his lumps at a tender age. And though brilliant as he was, at being walloped and pummeled, when it came to dishing it out, poor, Sylvester was a failure and worse yet, he barely top 5 foot even into high school. Thus it became clear to him that the comic violence of cartoons was his only way to redeem himself. But when he announced that he wanted to be a cartoon that’s when the “Stuff”, as they say, hit the fan! Kicked out of home at the still tender age of 27, he wandered aimlessly till he found work at the Acme anvil plant where he continued to work until his little accident in 83, that rendered him unconscious for nearly the 8 years.
It was during these all important years that Sylvester says, he found himself transported to the land called Amnesia. A magical world inhabited solely by cartoons! And it was there he learned the secrets of all the ol’time cartoon heroes.
Meanwhile, the hospital staff in a desperate push to vacate the bed he’d occupied tried out the experimental drug, reanimatum on the comatose Sylvester. Upon which, he bounded from the sheets, donned a bedpan hat and chirped, “Back to Normal”!
Today he seems the picture of success, winning several entertainment awards, and having been featured in books and on over 40 different TV shows around the world.
Yet tragically, these triumphs can do little to ease his ever present burden of having to endure life as a cartoon.
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